Facebook, Fried Chicken and Fog.

Same bat time, same bat channel. It's time for another edition of the late-night open letter.

A couple of things to cover tonight, and as you might have guessed, among my targets are fried chicken, the popular social networking site; facebook and Newfoundland fog.

First up, fried chicken.

The kitchen oven is pre-heating, currently, at about 350^f. I'm waiting to put in my TV dinner. I know you're probably asking, what could be better then a TV dinner, bought at the corner store... well, let me tell you... not much. I'm a fan of fried chicken, as it stands, in many forms. KFC, Mary Browns, Pizza Pro's... whatever, fried chicken is fried chicken. Nay. I hereby cordially invite all of you to consume a "Swanson's: Fried Chicken" (dare I say) meal. Look for the blue box. These things are a new type of awesome. Kind of like a CSI's sunglasses, these things are SMOOTH.

They also come with a brownie. Don't take the plastic all the way off though, cause they'll end up being wicked crispy, and not as tasty. Mine came with corn, but I've seen green beens as well. I'm telling you, just thinking about this thing makes my mouth water.

What set's it apart? The salt. When you bite into these things, it's like a baconator, you KNOW it's not good for you. It's so tasty, but literally every bite, your heart goes; "kthxbye."

Radtacular stuff, give it a try.

So, for those of you who consider yourselves to be at least somewhat internet savvy, or even remotely pop-culture literate, you've surely heard of Facebook. The new Myspace. Hell in a URL.

Basically, the Facebooker's life starts out slow, to keen to be taken in by the internet's next big thing, but interested, none the less, to see what all the fuss is about. Slowly but surely, the user's profile page is completely overtaken by the latest and greatest applications. Everything from Youtube to sports news. Eventually, the user will start 'creeping'. This is when the user goes into the 'friends list' of their selected Facebook friends, and looks for people who seem familiar, in an attempt to have thier own 'friends list' grow, if not to reconnect with old chums. By now, the user spends approximately 15 hours a day installing and uninstalling new applications, creeping and just generally browsing the cavernous gut of Facebook. The problem is, at the end of the day, Facebook is gay.

This is why Facebook is gay.

First, what most people don't understand, is that although I know you're interested in saving the North African Death Beetle... I could personally live without knowing the plight of the little six legged sucker. When you send me an invitation to your group; "PLEEEEEZ HELP THE BEETLE OF DEATH IN AFRIKA!!!11!", I get an email. I don't care, and I don't WANT to care. Furthermore, I don't WANT to care about NOT caring! I know the world is burning. I know the animals are dying. I know the children are hungry. I know the people are poor. I know the next UFC is going to be absolutely the best unseen fight of all history. I know bush is an idiot. I know your weekend was fun. I know you hate studying. I know you like food. I know.

My email inbox gets, on average, 6-7 emails a day for events, groups and notices that I don't need, want or even remotely care about.

Wow... what a rant. Facebook is gay. I'd go into it more... but my TV dinner is done.

The fog can wait until after supper.